Oh Hello! Its been long

So i would most likely be the only one reading  this blog now but thats ok. :)

Was just thinking how women are much more beautiful when they possess a gentle and quiet spirit. And how much more respect they can gain if they just stop trying to be a voice, only because action speaks much louder than words and a women who can restrain her mouth from talking and instead win those around her with her gentleness and humility shows much more. Even my ears get tired and my spirit grow weary when i am with women who talk so much!! And i realized that it just doesn't make them appear wiser even though they think to be so. There is a beauty in silence, and words softly spoken . Few but with weight.

I did not see it this way until i met Godly women showed me by them being so. And i would want to grow into this type of women :)

Oh thats all for today! Till i see you again dear bloggy!

just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.

pathway to the Ati school!

“There was a rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. 20 And at his gate was laid a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, 21 who desired to be fed with what fell from the rich man's table. Moreover, even the dogs came and licked his sores." 

- Luke16:19-21

How many times we who live a comfortable life live like the rich man! We keep looking at what we can have and want that we do not even see the needs of those who have real need and are suffering. and time after time we deny that we are like the rich man, so many times we make stupid excuses that this verse actually means this and that, but no. Its talking to all you people who have more than God gives to bless others. Not others who already have and to just give out of generosity to show your kindness to them, but to those who can't pay you back. Those who have a real need! 

Heck to be honest, before coming here to the Philippines i have been like the rich man. Living like He did everyday. I was no different. Only now after taking this step to live as a pilgrim, so many things in the Bible speaks so me so clearly. So many things i did not understand, i now do!

This earth is not our home, we have to remember this. And work for the Lord. After meeting the American missionaries Tori and Dan, and seeing how they live, i can see what its like to be a missionary, it is not rosy, its dirty, messy but worth it. It takes denial of self and sacrifice. They do not live for themselves or personal gain, they live to give! There is nothing luxurious or fancy about the way they live. Simple, wartime mentality.

And i met a few of the teachers who would be teaching the Ati kids, and these teachers came from different parts of the Philippines which God just brought together who has the same heart and desire to serve and sow to this community. I met Aqullino, who came from Tacloban, his hometown was hit by the typhoon. Its crazy how he mentioned during the typhoon everyone in his hometown thought it was the end of the world. Everything was destroyed, he had to swim through a sea of dead bodies, dead animals and destruction. And there he say everyone rich and poor brought to the same ground level zero. Everyone was the same, no one can escape death. We come with nothing, we go with nothing. What are you living for? Who are you living for?

So i asked him if he viewed life differently after that experience, and i guess this gave him the heart to reach places in need. If everyone just lives for themselves to make their life better and better, building their wealth, their barn, what about those in need? who is going to care for them? who is going to teach them? Are they not to receive good? If we are God's child are we living like He is the King??

Everytime i read the new testament, the apostles always start of by mentioning they are a bondservant of Christ and this really touches me. Its all about servanthood. If we are God's children are we living like the King who came to the earth to make Himself nothing so even poor us, who were once corrupted to and sentence to death could have eternal life?

It is a humbling experience asking for support.

I don't like to ask.. and it is humbling to ask for support.

GOD WILL PROVIDE!!!

I am a little anxious about my providential support. financially as i am basically a missionary now!? Even without thinking i would be one. But I really believe i have been called! So , HERE I AM!

But nonetheless, my faith and my confidence rest in my God who would never fail to supply for me and provide for me! He will meet all my needs according to the riches of His Glory. I have not posted any of my blog post on fb or any public sites so,. well if you happen to come to my blog and feel a desire to support me, i would be delighted to receive support from you! But i commit it all to my God and Lord Jesus Christ, to meet all my needs in His timing and His ways!. He will provide, He will! If He has called me to do missions work, He will feed me, cloth me , house me and meet all my needs! He has promised me this :) Thank you Jesus and may i rest in you to supply.

GOD HE WILL PROVIDE!!!!!

FAITH INDEED CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS!!!

I always knew God will provide!!, before coming to B* which i already had the burning desire to reach out to the kids. And the thought just keep on my mind, and impressed my heart. That after a few days coming back from B* which i went on vacation with friends, i knew i wanted to go back and must. The doors also kept opening with immediate responds from the people i contacted over here. ( And also considering their internet connection is so slow, and technology is not big ) So i decided to sign up for a TEFL course. ( I didn't think it necessary, but i guess it was something that gave some what a sense of security and friends and family would be like more understanding and acceptive, which i figured now, wasn't really important at all. It was already strange telling people i was going to B*.. and not really having a plan conceived )

So, anyway, long story short. TODAY is my 3rd day here, and i met up with T*, she is a missionary here with her husband and they do mainly ministry to the children in poverty, providing free education as well as food! ( I didn't really know this prior to contacting her on email, all i knew was that she was a pastor, which she isn't really but a missionary ! ). She and her husband were also teachers for 20 years before starting to do mission work!!! Its so amazing to see that because i am also a teacher turn missionary! I can't believe i am a missionary now!, I've always wanted to, but i never did know how.

At first i decided to find a job here while doing missions, but after talking to Tori, i realized that with the work needed to be done, i would have to commit full time and be a missionary! Its so amazing, after talking to her for a few long minutes, she offered me a place to stay for quarter the price and also will guide me along the way for becoming a missionary as well as how to gain financial support as i would mainly be working for free. And that God will provide. And i believe i will learn so much from them. Suddenly everything just came into place! I am unbelievably grateful to God! Even though the room which they will be giving me is not the nicest.. i guess mission work is not about getting the best for myself but humbly be glad and receiving :) May God teach me to be content in all things!

Tomorrow i move in with the B's !* Till then :) Thanks for reading!~

Fool for Christ.. who's fool are you?

“That's the excitement in obedience, finding out later what God had in mind.” 
― Brother Andrew .

“Why are we worried!" Rolf said suddenly. "This is God's work. He'll make a way for us.” '

“You can get in anywhere if you go to serve.

“In the years of living this life of faith, I have never known God's care to fail.” 

“Of course it's dangerous. But it's a lot more dangerous for all of us if we don't do it. Even in a conquering army there are casualties. Safety is not the issue when we look at the Great Commission. The purpose of the church cannot be to survive, or even to thrive, but to serve.” 

“I experienced one of the common miracles of the Christian life. Our spirits recognized each other.” 

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If you are following Christ, leave selfishness behind and carry faith. God can't work in a person that is full of getting things for themselves. But have faith that God will supply all your needs, and that He will lead you to His kingdoms purpose, where He will work on you, building your character, testing your heart, as well as to work through you to fulfill the great commission. 

This pilgrimage is a journey in which Christ is the map.

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Was just thinking about all that i have lost while laying down fashion... fame, a name, appraise of men, riches.

for ultimate peace, rest, a heart to serve, being able to follow Christ without distractions or holds in of worldly affair. As much as it would be nice to design beautiful clothes, be known for it, be praised by people, gain riches to meet all my senses. Somehow i believe, its much gain, through the eyes of faith, looking up to my Father who's promises are sure and true, i have lost nothing, but gain everything in relations to eternal life! So let me continue to stay in the narrow path, this race of faith and not waver in my hope, and in a price much better than this earth can ever satisfy! God is good to those who seek Him, to those who puts their Trust in Him!

last minute.

last minute packing my things and all. And as i was folding my clothes into the luggage, a little sigh was let out, " ah,... no more Zara, no more commercialism. " At least while in old Florence, Italy there was Zara and Forever 21. Being in a place that has not much commercialism would be a huge change, i believe a good one, and will strip me to the basic necessities of life.

even though anxiety creeps in now and then, a huge rest upon my heart, a peace from the Lord that reminds me that He is holding me, and He has everything under control. I was giving a student of mine an advice for school , to just give her best , and rest in God. She in return told me to remember to do the same, how timely, at times i even forget to take my own advice! How lovely when it is your student who reminds you to " remember to help the less fortunate especially the non Christians and introduce them to God's word while in the * " May my heart be focused on doing what i must as a daughter of a heavenly place.

I will dearly miss my beloved grandparents. Yesterday while having lunch with my uncle and aunty, aunty exclaimed " so you are going to be a tentmaker "... and i was like , yeah ( i had an idea that it was what Paul did, but i wasn't really acquainted to the term). A tentmaker is actually someone who goes to a foreign land , working in a job while focusing on missions, in a way supporting themselves financially to do God's work instead of being dependent upon the church. And Yes! That is exactly what i have set my heart to do :) In a way it makes me free to serve God as He wishes, not being a burden to anyone and is not tied down to any denominations, Oh how can the body of Christ be divided into denominations!

Somehow i know a lot of my Christian friends may be skeptical of me and stuff, but to me, honestly it matters little. I may not be the most perfect Christian, but i know my God is working in me. What is more important is what God wants, desires, and to obey. God will let His light shine through me and waiting upon Him, running this race of faith with perseverance would never be in vain.

Wednesday Musing

Why pray unless you believe that God answers your prayers. I was just thinking, what if there was 2 person, person A who has all immunity to getting sick from food X and person B who has no immunity. Both pray that God will sanctify the food for them. Wouldn't true faith be one of person B as there needs to be a total trust and faith and believe that God will sanctify the food? As apposed to person A who well already knows that there would be no problem, but just pray because its tradition. Anyway sorry i just think alot sometimes, so here is something for you to think about too.

Other random thoughts throughout the day:

- the King that hung with fishermen or rather the Creator of the universe choosing to hang with fishermen, born in a manger, humble mother, carpenter father.

- that the training we receive from the school of God Himself, not many people may understand. I was thinking of Noah, he must seem like a lunatic building a huge boat for many years, and when people asked Him what He was doing and if He said God told me too, people might most probably think he was a little koo koo. When God asked Abram to go and travel , start moving, yet not really knowing where He was to do too, and that He will be Father of nation though he was so old with no son. I can imagine people asking Him. " Abram you packed all your stuff, so... where are you going? "... and He may say " I don't know, God just asked me to start traveling "They might think he was koo koo too. What kind of man don't pre plan where he is going? As if God would ask anyone to do something like that! ..' might be people's thoughts. Never the less, these man trusted God more than anything!!! Faith accounted for them righteousness.

- Ephesians 2 :19 - 22  : How we are now citizens with God's people. built on the foundation of the apostles with Jesus Christ the chief cornerstone, in Him we are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit. No more strangers of God's people, but having a family blood of Abraham, Moses, Joseph, David, Ruth, Paul ! WOW! We have the same GOD!!!

- Ephesians 2: 10 : We are God's handiwork, created in Christ to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do! WOW! God already called me from before and chosen me, to accomplish what He wants to do through me!! :D:D I can be so sure and certain in all that He has lead me and guide me and taught me and must continue to!

- That God gave us example of Paul who said " imitate me ". For sometimes its easy to misinterpret or not understand what Paul was saying, but its different when you start to see how they lived their life! 

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Spurgeon devotional that really spoke to me and encouraged my faith!

"There is corn in Egypt."—Genesis 42:2.

AMINE pinched all the nations, and it seemed inevitable that Jacob and his family should suffer great want; but the God of providence, who never forgets the objects of electing love, had stored a granary for His people by giving the Egyptians warning of the scarcity, and leading them to treasure up the grain of the years of plenty. 

Little did Jacob expect deliverance from Egypt, but there was the corn in store for him. Believer, though all things are apparently against thee, rest assured that God has made a reservation on thy behalf; in the roll of thy griefs there is a saving clause. Somehow He will deliver thee, and somewhere He will provide for thee. The quarter from which thy rescue shall arise may be a very unexpected one, but help will assuredly come in thine extremity, and thou shalt magnify the name of the Lord.

 If men do not feed thee, ravens shall; and if earth yield not wheat, heaven shall drop with manna. Therefore be of good courage, and rest quietly in the Lord. God can make the sun rise in the west if He pleases, and make the source of distress the channel of delight. The corn in Egypt was all in the hands of the beloved Joseph; he opened or closed the granaries at will. And so the riches of providence are all in the absolute power of our Lord Jesus, who will dispense them liberally to His people. Joseph was abundantly ready to succour his own family; and Jesus is unceasing in His faithful care for His brethren. 

Our business is to go after the help which is provided for us: we must not sit still in despondency, but bestir ourselves. Prayer will bear us soon into the presence of our royal Brother: once before His throne we have only to ask and have: His stores are not exhausted; there is corn still: His heart is not hard, He will give the corn to us. Lord, forgive our unbelief, and this evening constrain us to draw largely from Thy fulness and receive grace for grace.

AMEN!

Teacher and Students

Mary, Janie and Helen.

Last day teaching at the Myanmar school. It was a blessed time. These three girls are so adorable! Taught them " Trust and Obey " yesterday and today they sang it really well! So happy :). I love how the students are so ready to help constantly, one of the girls i didn't know walked me to the car with her umbrella. And as i was driving back, i see my little Year 1 kids, waving to me from their balcony as they sat during the cooling drizzle. What a sight and how beautiful these souls are.

Even at the first school i taught, where it was Christian, somehow they focused on the students character that they are most, humble and helpful.

At the school i was teaching last year, there was not much rules or order or hierarchy or respect to elders. As much as i had always thought students should be given more freedom and to be creative. I somewhat found it to be destructive to the formation of the students character, especially so early on in life. They were not very helpful and rather proud ( but i don't blame them because it is pretty common in this school with its culture ). But i still remember a scene where some guys messed up the place, and i told them how important it is to clean up after themselves. And some of the guys really obeyed and sweep the floor and i was so happy, i told him how little things like this are really important and make a big difference. Its amazing when they humble themselves to learn, these simple things that truly makes such a difference.

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I realized that no matter how old a kid is and from where. They are all still very carnal in their desires even though Christian. Still having crushes on the handsome boys, the talented ones. Wanting to be famous. Wanting to be rich. Their desires are still of the world being a son of Adam. I guess its so important for me as a Christian and teacher to remind and guide the kids to seeing the Beauty of Christ. To remind them of what is important in this life. That life is more than what the world can offer and only Jesus can give Life of true significants. Its very hard to understand when a person is young i guess, but i guess planting little seeds of truth, one day when the time comes, it will sprout :) God will teach me along the way as i am still learning.

Oh how i was the same when i was young, having not much spiritual guidance. Being directed to love the things the world love. How different it becomes when God gives us a new heart, our desires and wants start to change and we see how fleeting and vain it is pursuing things of this world. I am the worst of the worst. And how i thank the Lord for never giving up on me, always patiently drawing me back to Him. I am so thankful and grateful.

Thankful.

My friend Michelle brought 3 boxes of things, really good stuff to give the Myanmar Refugee Kids and Teachers , People! I am so grateful :) I can't wait to pass it over to them. I feel so touched when a person does something like this. And most of the stuff are like brand new. This really encourage me to give like how she does so generously! A natural thought of mine if i had that much stock of stuff would be to keep it for myself because who knows " i may have to use it later " mentality. But seeing a friend giving so generously like this really just encourages me to learn from her generosity.

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And also today my friend Roxanne came to buy one of my KANOE Ring off me for a friends Birthday as a gift. I am really thankful for the continual support and love for the things i make :) So grateful!

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I have learn't something about me. That i would rather be serving people than to be served. Like i rather be the master chef, then the food taster. the party thrower than the one invited. I love being the one behind the scene's getting things done! :) I've had my fair share of being served and it truly is much more of a joy serving!

Excited, terrified, at peace.

Even though my feelings may not be constant. I know the Love of my God is. And i am becoming more and more certain that if my heart truly is seeking Him, and seeking to do as He ask of me, i can just go in faith, trusting that He goes before me :)

It is truly my hearts desire to be able to teach and share with the children about God's love, teach bible Stories and songs of Praise. To be able to win souls. Every time i go to help with Children or so, my main concern is always to tell them about Jesus, it has always been my hearts desire. I truly pray that i will persevere in this race of faith and continue to put my trust in the Lord and persevere in my commitment to whatever is noble , good and pure. And the truth is, i do not see myself working within the church but actually reaching out to the unreached, to those who have not heard the gospel, the poor and needy.

Dear Lord, i do not know how to go about all this, but i know that you are preparing me for whatever work you will do through me, may i always remain humble and my heart good soil to receive your Word. May i be Bold in you and trust you each day, for your lead, provision and guidance. Amen.

Giving is better than Receiving

bawi, bawi, fidi, tial, judee, nyun hei par ( okay my spelling of their Myanmar names are not too good,
but hey at least i have remembered how to call them!:)

Yesterday i gave a box of things away to my friend J* who is a teacher in charge of the CSO, Myanmar Refugee School. Some personal stuff for her as well as stationaries. What you might not know about me is that i have so much stationaries, i don't even know how i accumulated them! Like heaps. That today when i went to school teaching one of the little kids class of 6 students, J* asked the kids to thank me. (" Thank you teacher!,".. and one girl started to kiss her pencil haha.) Now they each have a mechanical pencil!!!! I have about 10+ stashed in my room and she gave them all to individual kids and now they each have one!. Its so crazy because, come to think of it i have so many!!!! I don't know what for, convenience? And most i don't even remember buying :s... But from one person, so many can have!...

It really makes me think, because i do want to be a good steward of my finance, and i feel that up until now, i have just dealt with my finance like the rest of the world. Other than that, in this culture, its the serve yourself culture and even more in the West. I look after myself, you look after yourself, well because the government made it possible.

If i spend on one Expensive meal of RM50, i can feed about 20 children lunch!!! How insane to think about it. And we don't know what its like not to have. I grew up in comfort, and i am sure the rest of you too, we do not know what it is like to just eat plain rice for dinner with egg and soya sauce. 

Just yesterday grandma was telling me how, while she was raising 5 kids ( the six yet to be born ), during a Chinese festival, they did not have money to provide for their kids to eat good celebratory food, and grandma felt so bad when the kids look at their neighbors gobbling down their delicious meal. And i am thinking, if i can get a decent job, and not focus on the money but in being in a job where who's needs i can meet and also be able to share Gods word and be a light. That with whatever i earn, i can share, or meet others needs and not just focus inwardly.

I know its difficult to do. But i need to start somewhere. I do hope to be able to manage whatever God gives me in a way which most please Him. I may fail many times, and have much more to learn. I am still really learning a lot. I feel as a Christian i am learning like a really foreign custom from the world and its not easy to carry it out especially not without Gods strength. But with God all things are possible :)

...

Today i also taught a bunch of them to sing " This little light of mine "( as J* suggested for me to teach them a song because they don't know many ), Thank God while i was singing for them to listen it did not go out of tune ( because honestly i have never been singing material) But Phew*! :)

I just don't understand.

Dandelion, and God is like the wind, leading and blowing us where He wishes :)

Just as i was driving home today, i was just thinking about life, and was thinking to myself and telling God how i don't understand anything. Like what do people do in heaven, everything is perfect there. It like what do i do everyday? just enjoy? haha...  then i was looking at my phone, and then the daily verse that i put at my main page spoke to me then in a different way from when i read it in the morning,

" As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. " - Ecclesiastes 11:5

I just surrendered right there and then. Ok perfect answer Lord! Trusting God each day each hour each minute each second is so important. Only He knows everything!!, How blessed are we to be able to have such intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father :) And what a blessings bestowed when we humbly admit, we just won't really understand many things! But God, He is good!!!! Kind, patient, full of long-suffering, mercy and grace.

How much would we trust because of our believes

How different would you live if you knew that someday you would be going to live in a Beautiful, Magnificent, Glorious, Indescribable place. Where the Ruler is the Living God Almighty, gracious, loving, patient and kind. Where Holiness reigns. 

How would you live on this earth. Because once you accept what Jesus has done on the cross for us, we have submitted ourselves to rid the old nature and put on the new given Christ Himself. Its as though we have traded our world passport to worldly gain and pleasure to an Eternal Passport to heaven. We are living for His Kingdom and His Glory. I reckon that is why the Apostles were so passionate and serious in their walk with God, Striving to enter through the narrow gate. Persevering in the race of faith! Sharing the gospel with their life! Having no other goal but to share this Good News and live for it and even some die for it! Knowing that 11 of the 12 apostles were martyrs its crazy to see how the church of the now relate to the true gospel as there seem to be lost the joy of suffering, taking up of cross, denial of self, counting the cost, repentance and everything that the Bible Speaks of regarding being a Christian.

 Shouldn't all we believers strive the same? I don't understand how after we have known our natural condition and what Christ has suffered for us, that we would rather bath in pleasures of this world. Wouldn't it be much more joy in being a partaker of the suffering of Christ, and be part of His will and plans!

Honestly, i do find it hard to be a Christian in this time and age, especially since the Church and the World seem to be so similar that Christianity looks exactly just like the world except once you Accept Christ ,you can also gain eternal life and God will just help you achieve all your dreams and help with your self esteem because you are now a child of God, and just help you with living in this life better ( Which i find so prevalent in Church Culture nowadays ).

Part of me just want to really be with the needy, share the gospel to those who have not heard of it. Really Live and Share the Good News, Live for Christ completely. To train and teach Children about Jesus and about walking in the Light, about prayer and about God and His Powerful Word. About Trust and Obedience. To be able to cloth children who have no clothes, and provide them shelter and food. I am so tired of myself, Tired of just receiving. Tired of me.

We live in a culture that is already so much about us, everything is now Personalized, everyone is always Upgrading to the latest gadgets, following the Latest Fashion Trends, Taking Selfies, Sharing photo's on Instagram, Facebook.... Its true the Bible saying that "in time to come people will soon be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, always trying to get the best for themselves...etc" 

Its never ending the ability to gratify self. To please self immediately. To love the world the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. How prevalent is it and how much are we living in it!? Because most of us have been born in it and it is a culture so normal that we would seem so strange if we do not conform.

I do know that God, He renews our hearts and transforms our mind. And all these things He will soon shine the light on and we can see our true nature, so that we may persevere to live in our new man found in Christ. That soon everything will look like vanity, a waste and fleeting. That soon, all we Christians will choose Christ and Christ alone and allow Him to lead us wherever He wishes!

" These men of faith... for they agreed that this earth was not their real home but that they were just strangers visiting down here. And quite obviously when they talked like that, they were looking forward to their real home in heaven. If they had wanted to, they could have gone back to the good things of this world. But they didn't want to. They were living for heaven. " - Hebrew 11:11-16

We no longer belong to this world, Our Citizenship is in heaven. Perhaps this is why i feel so out of place in this world and the desires of this world slowly have less of a hold on me each time. Lets keep our eyes above and not on this earth! Amen.

Off Facebook.

I have gone off Facebook for awhile i am wondering if i really need it or if it may be a waste of time. If i could use those times i spend on facebook doing something much more productive. Perhaps i may not use facebook for an entire year, Why not. I do not need the influence of the world . Though it may be very nice to stay in touch with friends from abroad as well as to encourage others in Christ.

What if during my whole time in Italy i did not use facebook? Perhaps i would have been able to do so much more! Let me dedicate my time to other more profitable things. :) Lets give it a few months and perhaps the desire might ware off.

What makes the children of God so strange?

(J. C. Philpot, "The Precious Trial of Faith", 1865) "To God's elect, strangers in the world." 1 Peter 1:1 Strangers!  What makes the children of God so strange?  The grace of God which calls them out of this wretched world. Every man who carries the grace of God in his bosom is necessarily, as regards the world, a stranger in heart, as well as in profession, and life. As Abraham was a stranger in the land of Canaan; as Joseph was a stranger in the palace of Pharaoh; as Moses was a stranger in the land of Egypt; as Daniel was a stranger in the court of Babylon; so every child of God is separated by grace, to be a stranger in this ungodly world. And if indeed we are to come out from it and to be separate, the world must be as much a strange place to us; for we are strangers to . . .    its views,    its thoughts,    its desires,    its prospects,    its anticipations, in our daily walk, in our speech, in our mind, in our spirit, in our judgment, in our affections. We will be strangers from . . .   the world's company,   the world's maxims,   the world's fashions,   the world's spirit. "They confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth." Hebrews 11:13

Leave your life to the Lords loving hands.

" It is a mercy that our lives are not left for us to plan, but that our Father chooses for us; else might we sometimes turn away from our best blessings, and put from us the choicest and loveliest gifts of His providence. " - Susannah Spurgeon.

...

" Morning and evening i thank the good Giver, that He opened my eyes to see deeper than the alluring surface. I was dazzled, once, by a glittering exterior, but have a clearer vision now. " - TS Arthur

Troubles and Sorrow.

Troubles and sorrow, to draw us closer to Christ. That is how i feel, every affliction that comes my way makes me just run to God ever more. Making me hate the world even more, the world and all its vanities, promises that are in fact lies, i've come more and more to find the goodness , passing pleasures of this world tasteless, flavorless. It just come to lose its power on me ever more.

I know my weakness and how prone i am to be tempted again by the world and its glitz. I keep falling, but my loving Father keeps patiently drawing me back to Him. And when i spend time with God, His gifts and beauty just weights so much more than anything the world can offer.

There are many things i have given up in the world because i know in the end though they may look great in the world they are worth little in heaven. Giving up fame and fortune when i was given the opportunity to start a label. Position and financial stability. Comfort and security in Australia. Beauty and pleasure of leisure in Italy. The world of fashion and what it has to offer me. my Passions, little enjoyments and activities.

But more and more i have been reminded that to be a Christian is to also " Count the Cost " ( luke 14:28 ) . 

Quoting J C Ryle " But it does cost something to be a real Christian, according to the standards of the Bible. There are enemies to overcome, battles to be fought, sacrifices to be made, an Egypt to be forsaken, a wilderness to be passed through, cross to be carried, race to run ."

And there is unspeakable joy, and peace that comes with choosing Christ and following Him! There is joy in suffering for His sake. How i feel sad for those who do not know Christ, those who profess to be Christian but to not seek to please Him and run after all that Christ has to offer and how much He would so love to give them heavenly things if only they would trust and obey Him! I am humbled by His love.

I have my shortcomings, but God, He is Almighty. He is good. I pray to be a vessel to be used by Him each day. How wonderful it is to be under the care of Jehovah Jireh! Thank you Jesus for everything.

Prayer.

All i know is that God answers prayers. He answers earnest and fervent prayers according to His will. I thank God that He is working on me, working in sanctifying me, cleansing me, as i allow the Holy Spirit to work in me by willingly denying myself so Christ may have full effect in me. And i want to learn to pray more, pray better. To be a women of prayer. Even Jesus prayed so much, how much more then must i pray!

God answers the prayers of the humble. Of the weak and honest. He provides and gives generously, and withhold certain request in His goodness, He is Almighty and Powerful. Prayer is Powerful. And we must always Pray!!! 

For the flesh is weak but the Spirit is Willing! So we Must PRAY! Press on in Prayer, Ask from God, believing that you have received what you have asked according to His will! God never fails! He is worthy to be praised and to be given all the Glory!

Encouraged

From teaching the Myanmar kids about Moses, to teaching another class which was a little difficult and hardly any effect, to hearing the testimony of my friend J* and how God is the most loving provider and how beautiful her heart is, generous and full of compassion, to my first Bible Study with my cg members which i thank God for so very much.

It all started when i asked my cg in our Whatsapp group chat if there is any cg this Friday and my cg leader said there is no official and i can suggest to do something together. I was thinking of, what would please God, what would God be happy to see us do together. And one of the nights after that i was chatting with a long lost friend living in Italy. And he was talking about how God is so very much at work in his life as well as the church he is in, and he was telling me about a guy from His church who is very passionate about God's Word and is inviting people to come to read the Bible together. And somehow perhaps that may be something that just sparked the confirmation in me to suggest to do a Bible Study together on Friday night.

I wasn't sure who would come but i knew somehow people would come, and i just prayed that if God will be present , He will send the people. I prayed for hopefully 3-5. And 5 of my lovely cell group members came, and it was such a wonderful time of fellowship partaking the Holy Word together. It was just like having a meal, but this time Spiritual Food and how full i am in my Spirit. Thank God for His work in all our lives and for His magnificent Love! I pray that reading the Bible would be something that Believers would frequently do together, how joyful i feel after reading the Bible together with Others! Oh much Joy and Peace. Thank you Lord.

Bold and unashamed of the Gospel shall i be for it is the Power of God, He is a Living God. Alive and Present! He is at work!

if life was about money.

if life was about money, i would work for money and do anything that could give me alot of money regardless.

if life was about myself, i would focus on myself and cultivate my talents and skills in away to draw attention to myself, and maximize profit of myself.

if life was about fame, i would do anything to get the attention of the media and public, perhaps with something that some how adds value to the world, is extertaining and make profit out of it too.

if life was all about Christ, i would deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him. I would invest my complete self into the kingdom of heaven, even if it means i may not make alot of money, i may not be the 'best me' or famous.

These few days.

I do not want to share this on my facebook so if you happen to read it so :).

There is a passage in the bible that says , when you do charity or good do not announce it.

But in this blog i do want to remember these things which i have learnt something much and gain new perspective on things.

- - - 

Recently i have been helping up with teaching in a Myanmar refugee school. Its beautiful the kids, and the lady who is a teacher there and looks after the place, my friend J. She has a beautiful sacrificial heart and i am so sure that God loves her so much and i pray that He will give her the strength she needs each day as well as provision for all her needs. She has a heart for the kids, and even though her brother doesn't understand why she choose to teach there where she gets no salary but just a place to stay instead of going to get a well paying job which she is capable of doing.

The kids are beautiful. Eager to learn. In one of the classes i decided to teach English with Bible stories. And i am so glad they liked it because during the second half of the day i asked them, what would you like to learn, they replied, " the Bible " Inside my heart leaped with joy! To see the Eagerness and the hunger for the word of God in these little ones.

J called me to teach the younger ones because they liked me! ( even though they did not understand what i was saying since their English was minimal ) I tried my best to teach them and is happy to know that there is a natural attraction between me and kids somehow.

Just as i was about to leave to go home today, and also while looking really tired as ( my women thing came today ). J just said how much she really appreciated me there to teach. " really thank you so much miss, realllyyy  thank you miss. " That was enough for me to regain my strength and leave joyfully knowing that i was able to somehow give another some comfort or help.

- - - 

I hope that in this life, i will be able to just give God my complete self, and trust in all His provisions for me as i humbly choose to serve him. " Whatever you have done for the least of them you did for me ".

What joy it is to be able to live for the Kingdom of God, to be a fisher of men and to do something for God by doing something for the least ".

I pray for guidance each day, and even though i am greatly tempted in this world each day, i hope to always spend my best time seeking the Lord so i may be spiritually fed with His word , a Sword, weapon for living in this world. amen.

No need for anymore clothes.

I remember in my 2nd year in Sydney, just returning from Malaysia. I told myself that i was not going to do any shopping to buy any clothes for the entire year, I just already had enough and do not need anymore! And i tell God everything so i told Him this too, that i have to much clothes, i really don't need to buy any more, and i was happy with what i had. So i joyfully kept to my word.

Towards the end of the year, i won a competition, First Prize. It was the one whereby there was suppose to be an interview for the finalist chosen but they were too busy to conduct the interview and i won anyway! Part of the prize was AUD1000 to spend on the clothes of their brand.

I still find it so amazing. God is true to His word, He will provide. We need not seek these things but seek first His Kingdom. He will provide everything else. When i look back though, what i wished i did though, was that i shared some of the credit with my beloved friends. 

" But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you " - Matthew 6:33

Remembered also that the day before i won this competition, the Houselady of the boarding house i stayed in tore my housing contract infront of me because i won't not agree with her wanting me to change the room i was in to a room i did not want to stay in, because there was no reason to treat me that unfairly and give me a smaller room facing the main highway in which she already knew i did not want to say in.

I just trusted that God would look after me and provide for me in confidence.

Then when i won the competition, a friend from the same college placed a big " Congratulation's sign " up for me at the college board. And the housing lady, she humbly Congratulate me.

Its funny how the way God provided the next accommodation for me just a few days before my class started. It was when i said out loud " God i do not care anymore!" ( as i tried calling about 30 times  the housing i inspected/interviewed for the day before,  and no one picked up ) the phone rang and i was accepted to stay at a beautiful boarding house ( Reminding me He cares, and He will provide). Also before the interview for this boarding house i bummed into my friend who introduced this place for me to stay on the street and He just prayed for me there and then that if its God's will i will stay there, and that He would provide for me.

And at this housing, it was a Bible School associated with a church which my previous housing lady went to. Its so strange how everything worked out, but i learnt not to judge people. The next housing was so lovely, the lady even gave me a free room to do my sewing!!!! 

ALL I CAN SAY, GOD PROVIDES. SEEK HIM FIRST. TRUST HIM. His timing is perfect! He never fails :) In your weakness you may boast. Because His glory shines through in His goodness and power!

For our heavenly Father knows we need all these things.

Chocolate Soldiers.

Difficulties, dangers, disease, death, or divisions don't deter any but Chocolates from executing God's Will. When someone says there's a lion in the way, the real Christian promptly replies, "That's hardly enough inducement for me; I want a bear or two besides to make it worth my while to go."

CHOCOLATES are very fond of talking loud and long against some whom they call fanatics, as though there were any danger of Christians being fanatics nowadays!Why, fanatics among Christians are as rare as the "dodo". Now, if they declaimed against "tepidity", they would talk sense. God's real people have always been called fanatics. Jesus was called mad; so was Paul; so was Whitfield, Wesley, Moody, Spurgeon. No one has graduated far in God's School who has not been paid the compliment of being called a fanatic. We Christians of today are indeed a tepid crew. Had we but half the fire and enthusiasm of the Suffragettes in the past, we would have the world evangelized and Christ back among us in no time.Had we the pluck and heroism of the Flyers, or the men who volunteered for the North or South Polar Expeditions, or for the Great War, or for any ordinary dare-devil enterprise, we could have every soul on earth knowing the name and salvation of Jesus Christ in less than ten years. 

- CT Studd ( Chocolate Soldiers )

WAKE UP.

"Some wish to live within

the sound of Church or Chapel bell;

 I want to run a Rescue Shop 

within a yard of hell."

—C. T. Studd

I am not afraid of God changing my plans. He can change them all He wishes, my only want is to be obedient to what He called me to do and where He calls me to go. I may make plans, but He can lead me wherever He wants me to go. As He transforms my heart and mind while i seek Him and His Kingdom first, i know that He will whisper to my heart His plans and open the door as well as be my main provider for all my needs.

People think its dangerous in Asia, I think its more dangerous living in the West where your faith may grow stale and slowly the world starts creeping in and suddenly there is no difference to how you live to one who does not know Christ and have moral standards. Because living for Christ is more than right and wrong, its gaining eternal life and fighting the good fight of faith or remaining dead. I would say stop being lukewarm and WAKE UP.

I know that many people may not understand me, people may judge my motives, people may have opinions but to me, they matter very little. Humans will always have a lot to say. Never the less God's counsel stands. And i only seek for His approval.

Love of the World.

" Do not love the world or the things of this world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in it - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world. The world is passing away and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. " - 1 John 2: 15-17

Have you ever thought about it. That everything will just pass by, and then you'll have to stand before God. What are you living for, is what He has given you not enough? Is He enough for you? Do you really need that thing which moths will eat and thieves will break in to steal?

Living in the city, sometimes i feel so easily my life caught up with the affairs of this world, Fame, fortune, luxurious shopping, living, eating, fleeting entertainment. As a Christian sometimes i feel embarrassed to call myself a follower of Jesus, especially if i am not living any different from the world. I feel that i go through ups and downs, but i am easily tempted and ensnared by the world as i live within it. Perhaps many of us go through this, but i want to continue running the race and not get distracted.

And people, well meaning Christians would try to tell you of how you should live, and its no different from the advices of the world. Go get a good job, invest in properties, seek comfort and security, go live in the West, it is much better living there. I honestly wonder if that is the advice God will give me, If i choose to be part of His family, is this how i take it all, its my time to live a comfortable, luxurious life? Is that what Jesus died for me for? And all the other Christians who were and are being persecuted now? Am i going to stand before Him thanking Him for blessing me with big houses and Hermes bags? 

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? 26 Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. " - Luke 9:23-26

2 You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.3 Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 4 No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. 5 Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules. 6 The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. 7 Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this. - 2 Tim 2: 2-7

Jesus told him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." - Luke 9:62

I do feel we need to wake up, and be aware of our condition. like honestly WAKE UP. and stop being lukewarm, which God despises and will spit out.

They say traveling changes you.

my little gem.

They say traveling changes you, but i guess its how you also choose to view things, learn and see things. 

I would say that i have grown to love Asia. And to see its beauty. As much as Asians are flocking to the Western world to gain a ' better life ' i really feel that so much can be learnt from the simple life of those in Asia outside of the city. Suddenly my desires and thoughts of going to Europe has diminished as i come to love my own Continent. The Fair and ' Good ' Aussie life just don't seem as appealing to me as , well it never really had.

Just talking to the local kids in Boracay just puts a huge smile onto my face. How they almost do not care about their profit from their Art work because they are enjoying what they are doing and is just somewhat doing it to past time and make a little extra pocket money. The uncompetitiveness towards fame and success. How much talent and skill exist in the community and how little the are being paid. Yet, there is so much heart and soul in what they do, as compared to people who do things all right and according to order yet have little heart in it.

That suddenly it matters so little about the fashion i wear, diamond rings seem so stupid and who needs cars, or the latest phone.

And back in the city, everyone is working their ass off just so that they can wear the latest clothes to fit in, wear tiffany and co. to feel that they belong, have nice cars and big houses. While in the village, they are content with what they have, and thankful for their life.

My phone got wet and my pics are gone, i am still unsure if i will be able to salvage them. But somehow it makes me think of how the fishermen, they do not take photo's of everything, they just enjoy the moment. Like last time before technology exist. You don't take photo of everything and share them to everyone. But perhaps you can tell stories and write about it to others to describe. But beautiful moments, sometimes, you just keep them, in your heart to remember, and it brings a little sweetness to your soul. And it sinks a little deeper than the shallow fast uploading of ootd. Even though i feel a little sad that i have lost the photo's, i guess the memories will rest a little deeper in me.

The West look at Asia and think of how bad it is that child labor occurs, and wants to educate them to be like them. But i see a beauty in their culture and way of life. How the kids start working at a young age and see the value of work, ' no work, no food' , how they learn their skills from those older than them. How they work hard without complaining. How they don't glue their face to the television and ipad, or how city parents celebrate how 'quick tongued ' and ' knowledgable ' their younger ones are. I am glad for villages where the government helps to sustain their lifestyle. 

Its so beautiful how they build boats, away with factories and advance technology, and bring back the human touch into things. Its funny how country progresses so fast and suddenly they feel they miss the old touch of realness and nature, but before long its too late. Their want for fast and quick gain as well as greed blinds them to creating something that has long term sustainable impact on a community. Its beautiful being able to walk in the streets and freely talk to people. Like friends. No awkwardness or competitiveness or superficial barriers.

I had the opportunity to stay at Marina Bay Sands, the luxury hotel in Singapore, and it felt just so dry and empty. I would take the hotel in Nepal anytime. There is just more live and soul in those places. More homeliness and love where people are not working just for the high paid job.

I've worked in schools where they hardly use technology as well as schools where they are free to use technology. I would say that there is beauty in places where technology are less used. When i was in Boracay i hardly touched my phone for at least 5 days and i did not feel i was missing anything. And that felt so good. I realized that when you had things to do around you and people to talk too, you really do not need the internet as much as you think you do. Is so different when you are able to stare at the stars at night and with sand beneath your feet.

I see the people who live simple as rich. Perhaps not in material wealth, but in things much better.

" Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions "

" Store yourselves treasures in heaven "

What are you investing it, are they heavenly?

First

Recently i have these verses just speaking to me,

" Seek First the Kingdom of God and all things will be added unto you. "

Imagine just God , creator of Heavens and Earth just telling you, " do not worry about your life, look at the birds in the air that do not store food in barns, I feed them, and look at the flowers, how pretty they are, prettier than the richest royalty, i dress them. worrying won't add a thing, don't. Just seek First my Kingdom. " 

Enquire about Gods Kingdom, Find for it, Look for His Reign , His Rulership, His Authority over your life. Know more about it, know more about God's ways, His governance, What pleases Him and makes Him happy.

and , " Give God your first fruits, " The first of what you have reaped, of what you have obtained, of what He has given you. Just give Him the best and the first. He cares, He wants the best. Do not give Him the left overs, do not buy a discount thing for Him, do not do things in a hurry like you don't really care. Give Him your best and first.

Sometimes it takes time to just sink in. And then it takes you to really have God in mind, and reverence of Him to do as He ask. These few days i am just taking it to really just enquire and seek Him. God has a lot to work on me. But i want to be made better by Him, i need to be pruned, though it may hurt sometimes.

I know i can be impatient at times, and i can be impulsive and all that, and i have my weakness, and sometimes i wished i was better like other people, like that i can just go to uni and study some profession that is in demand and now at least also have a great desire to work with companies and stuff, i don't know why i am so different. Like sometimes i think if its because i am spoilt or had not been train or directed when i was younger. I really don't know how i am going to like really make a living and be able to look after my family and stuff. And at times it bothers me. And i don't understand why God has always been so kind to me, and give me nice things, and sometimes i really feel i don't deserve it , i can't even afford them myself, and He even ask me not to worry because He will look after things, and look after me. 

But i really want to be able to at least be able to contribute and get good pay somewhere so i can do what every asian kids do, they can always treat their family and stuff. But then, i feel i really lack in my finances, i don't even know how to manage money. Then God always says don't worry, He will provide if i seek Him first. I really have no doubt that He will meet my needs, and He has most definitely so and always in His time, which is kinda late in my human time ( or more like precisely on time, like to the millisecond ) , but He is never in a rush and perfect.

He probably wants me to always be dependent on Him, always knowing that its not my own hands that will sustain and keep me but His. That i no need to try to 'save my self' but do as He ask, and seek Him first. We are nothing without Him , we are not even alive without Him.

It is quite a drastic thing to think that as much accumulation as a person has on earth, if they don't belong to God they aren't really alive , like truly alive. As wonderful as material blessings are, they are God's gift to us and His provision, and everything is on loan, after that, our souls matter.

How important are our souls and how sometimes we really just get distracted.

I guess i have been distracted a lil by working on my stuff and all that, but i know that God wants me to have Him as number One. First, in all that i do and think. The worthy centerpiece of my heart.

Living for an Audience of One.

Back from Nepal.

at Chisapani, Nepal

Back from the Amazing Nepal. I feel a little nostalgic. And i remember almost ever face of people whom i cross path with. Everything just feels so familiar. There is an unusual beauty about that country that well leave me feeling enchanted. If Nepal was a person i would say, it is rich inside, but somehow dress in rags and trekking shoes. But it has a very deep sense of beauty in her, kind, demure, a little raw, but charming and honest. Always willing to help, hospitable and shy but brave.

Its crazy from arriving there, to trekking around 17km to the mountains to live in a village with locals, then the next morning trekking another 20km to Nagarkot where it was worth it. Really worth the walk. I thank my tour guide Raj who had to deal with me, and was always helpful. During that two days you see so much of Nepal, the outskirts and villages. The farmers of the hills. Its like Gods just places everyone everywhere, and life is somewhat similar but different everywhere! Its just so amazing and it just makes you feel so, like, you don't really know what to make out of it. But i guess wherever we are we can be thankful to God. There are blessings of many kinds.

I have recently taken up an illustration gig but i feel that i am being underpaid. I do not like doing work when i am underpaid because i know that i have high standards and will deliver well. I like to receive what i deserve. Maybe this with teach me better how to pay people in the future when i have to pay people. That people are always happy to work, and they are paid sufficiently, and if they work hard and are quick, doesn't mean i should make use of them and pay them less, but give them bonus for their great work. I would say its not easy to give, but it is a lesson to learn each day, to be generous. Also, to stand up for what you feel is fair. To never accept less than you deserve, not because you are too proud, but because you know you are worth as much as not to be used. And that you can always trust God to provide. Even if you loose a gig because they do not want to pay you fairly.

Since going into freelancing and starting a little business i see how hard it is to make decisions, but i guess slowly i will get better. And learn and improve each day, I want to learn in a way whereby i become a better person in it, and not to learn to be cunning, cut corners or make profit selfishly. And that slowly i may bear fruits in my work ethics, attitude, character and reputation, but of course it takes time and i won't be so good overnight.

Sometimes i get afraid like why did i choose this path, i feel like i am struggling and that its hard to make ends meet. Plus i have no idea how to do business and now to market. But i was reminded by a good friend that we must continue to Hope in God and that He will always provide in His timing. That in all our weakness, He will sustain us and be our Lord and Provider. 

I pray that even though i may not make the best decisions but that God knows my heart and He will help to sustain me in all areas, and that i must continue to seek Him and trust Him and spend time with Him.

Since Nepal also my thoughts have change on certain things, my heart goes out to the Nepalese workers who come all the way to Malaysia to work all these hard labor jobs just to make a living and to support their family back home, of how beautiful things they can create yet so poorly they be paid, how hard it is to make a living, and how important it is to work hard. I also have a deeper love towards Asia now, i love Asia, we have a hidden beauty not one exposed like the West thats all glitzy and 'cool'. I think Asia is beautiful in all its imperfection.

And about guys, my thoughts of them always change. My list when i create them always change too hahaha. I use to think it would be exciting or interesting to marry someone from a different country, somewhere from europe or something, how it would be cool if i met someone from so far away yet be able to find a common ground and connect. But now i don't really care anymore where he from, a home boy, from somewhere else, anywhere i don't really bother, but somehow i also don't know how it would be for me to live with someone like share my life with someone. Because i have been mainly independent, stubborn and strong willed i honestly have no idea who will be able to handle me. Though somehow i think, perhaps there will be someone out there who will understand me so well that he would know the wisest way to deal with me. And vice versa. And we would go together, like salt and pepper.

So in this post i have covered my travels, my job struggles and about a man.

Life aye. Perhaps we learn the most when we struggle, we appreciate better when we lack, and our faith fuels in desperate times.

In all my weakness, God sustain me. Amen.