First

Recently i have these verses just speaking to me,

" Seek First the Kingdom of God and all things will be added unto you. "

Imagine just God , creator of Heavens and Earth just telling you, " do not worry about your life, look at the birds in the air that do not store food in barns, I feed them, and look at the flowers, how pretty they are, prettier than the richest royalty, i dress them. worrying won't add a thing, don't. Just seek First my Kingdom. " 

Enquire about Gods Kingdom, Find for it, Look for His Reign , His Rulership, His Authority over your life. Know more about it, know more about God's ways, His governance, What pleases Him and makes Him happy.

and , " Give God your first fruits, " The first of what you have reaped, of what you have obtained, of what He has given you. Just give Him the best and the first. He cares, He wants the best. Do not give Him the left overs, do not buy a discount thing for Him, do not do things in a hurry like you don't really care. Give Him your best and first.

Sometimes it takes time to just sink in. And then it takes you to really have God in mind, and reverence of Him to do as He ask. These few days i am just taking it to really just enquire and seek Him. God has a lot to work on me. But i want to be made better by Him, i need to be pruned, though it may hurt sometimes.

I know i can be impatient at times, and i can be impulsive and all that, and i have my weakness, and sometimes i wished i was better like other people, like that i can just go to uni and study some profession that is in demand and now at least also have a great desire to work with companies and stuff, i don't know why i am so different. Like sometimes i think if its because i am spoilt or had not been train or directed when i was younger. I really don't know how i am going to like really make a living and be able to look after my family and stuff. And at times it bothers me. And i don't understand why God has always been so kind to me, and give me nice things, and sometimes i really feel i don't deserve it , i can't even afford them myself, and He even ask me not to worry because He will look after things, and look after me. 

But i really want to be able to at least be able to contribute and get good pay somewhere so i can do what every asian kids do, they can always treat their family and stuff. But then, i feel i really lack in my finances, i don't even know how to manage money. Then God always says don't worry, He will provide if i seek Him first. I really have no doubt that He will meet my needs, and He has most definitely so and always in His time, which is kinda late in my human time ( or more like precisely on time, like to the millisecond ) , but He is never in a rush and perfect.

He probably wants me to always be dependent on Him, always knowing that its not my own hands that will sustain and keep me but His. That i no need to try to 'save my self' but do as He ask, and seek Him first. We are nothing without Him , we are not even alive without Him.

It is quite a drastic thing to think that as much accumulation as a person has on earth, if they don't belong to God they aren't really alive , like truly alive. As wonderful as material blessings are, they are God's gift to us and His provision, and everything is on loan, after that, our souls matter.

How important are our souls and how sometimes we really just get distracted.

I guess i have been distracted a lil by working on my stuff and all that, but i know that God wants me to have Him as number One. First, in all that i do and think. The worthy centerpiece of my heart.

Living for an Audience of One.

Back from Nepal.

at Chisapani, Nepal

Back from the Amazing Nepal. I feel a little nostalgic. And i remember almost ever face of people whom i cross path with. Everything just feels so familiar. There is an unusual beauty about that country that well leave me feeling enchanted. If Nepal was a person i would say, it is rich inside, but somehow dress in rags and trekking shoes. But it has a very deep sense of beauty in her, kind, demure, a little raw, but charming and honest. Always willing to help, hospitable and shy but brave.

Its crazy from arriving there, to trekking around 17km to the mountains to live in a village with locals, then the next morning trekking another 20km to Nagarkot where it was worth it. Really worth the walk. I thank my tour guide Raj who had to deal with me, and was always helpful. During that two days you see so much of Nepal, the outskirts and villages. The farmers of the hills. Its like Gods just places everyone everywhere, and life is somewhat similar but different everywhere! Its just so amazing and it just makes you feel so, like, you don't really know what to make out of it. But i guess wherever we are we can be thankful to God. There are blessings of many kinds.

I have recently taken up an illustration gig but i feel that i am being underpaid. I do not like doing work when i am underpaid because i know that i have high standards and will deliver well. I like to receive what i deserve. Maybe this with teach me better how to pay people in the future when i have to pay people. That people are always happy to work, and they are paid sufficiently, and if they work hard and are quick, doesn't mean i should make use of them and pay them less, but give them bonus for their great work. I would say its not easy to give, but it is a lesson to learn each day, to be generous. Also, to stand up for what you feel is fair. To never accept less than you deserve, not because you are too proud, but because you know you are worth as much as not to be used. And that you can always trust God to provide. Even if you loose a gig because they do not want to pay you fairly.

Since going into freelancing and starting a little business i see how hard it is to make decisions, but i guess slowly i will get better. And learn and improve each day, I want to learn in a way whereby i become a better person in it, and not to learn to be cunning, cut corners or make profit selfishly. And that slowly i may bear fruits in my work ethics, attitude, character and reputation, but of course it takes time and i won't be so good overnight.

Sometimes i get afraid like why did i choose this path, i feel like i am struggling and that its hard to make ends meet. Plus i have no idea how to do business and now to market. But i was reminded by a good friend that we must continue to Hope in God and that He will always provide in His timing. That in all our weakness, He will sustain us and be our Lord and Provider. 

I pray that even though i may not make the best decisions but that God knows my heart and He will help to sustain me in all areas, and that i must continue to seek Him and trust Him and spend time with Him.

Since Nepal also my thoughts have change on certain things, my heart goes out to the Nepalese workers who come all the way to Malaysia to work all these hard labor jobs just to make a living and to support their family back home, of how beautiful things they can create yet so poorly they be paid, how hard it is to make a living, and how important it is to work hard. I also have a deeper love towards Asia now, i love Asia, we have a hidden beauty not one exposed like the West thats all glitzy and 'cool'. I think Asia is beautiful in all its imperfection.

And about guys, my thoughts of them always change. My list when i create them always change too hahaha. I use to think it would be exciting or interesting to marry someone from a different country, somewhere from europe or something, how it would be cool if i met someone from so far away yet be able to find a common ground and connect. But now i don't really care anymore where he from, a home boy, from somewhere else, anywhere i don't really bother, but somehow i also don't know how it would be for me to live with someone like share my life with someone. Because i have been mainly independent, stubborn and strong willed i honestly have no idea who will be able to handle me. Though somehow i think, perhaps there will be someone out there who will understand me so well that he would know the wisest way to deal with me. And vice versa. And we would go together, like salt and pepper.

So in this post i have covered my travels, my job struggles and about a man.

Life aye. Perhaps we learn the most when we struggle, we appreciate better when we lack, and our faith fuels in desperate times.

In all my weakness, God sustain me. Amen.

Travel somewhere Exotic

That was one of my resolution for this year, and having always wanted to travel to Nepal . Hello here i am!

Okay i have learn't many things and one of them is that Nepal is a country on its own and not part of India. And that the people here are extremely hospitable and friendly. That The town Thamel is pretty cool! Quaint and full of character. I had not been able to sight see much as since arrival, my plans have changed completely! So tomorrow i'll be starting my 3 day trek! The town is kinda like Hanoi in some sense, and Florence in another. It has an ancient charm to it.

I am now sitting here at the hotels only computer typing away on their Asus.. haha. Mmmm okay, i should go get some rest! What i know is that things are not always as you perceive them to be or first thought in your mind. From pictures and actually being there is a whole different experience! And how do we learn, its always through action. Theory is useless without the practical. Its like reading a recipe, and actually cooking it and eating it.

And God, He is everywhere! All the time! Do you trust Him. Do you trust that He is everywhere? Well He is. There is this poem thing that i have read into memory that i'll share with you now here,

To me remains nor place nor time,
my country is in every clime
i can be calm and free from care
on any shore since God is there.
- Spurgeon.

:) Namaste folks :) God bless! Trust Him .

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give Thanks! and Goodnight from Thamel. <3

A Handwritten Post?

A day without turning on the laptop.

when i made oatmeal cranberry cookies

best bistecca ever!!! When a friend invited me other to have a meal with his family,
Italian mother's can cook! Hands down. She provided a full 7 course meal.

all these are random old photos which i will just put up because i was skimming
through them  and they are like lost treasures.

birdies outside my room window

This pass week i had been working daily on the laptop using illustrator and photoshop. Staring the at screen throughout the day. Today i just decided to take a breather. My eyes need that rest. I think my power has increased again as I am the type of person who when i concentrate , its not easily broken, so you can imagine the strain it puts to my poor eyes.

Today, a Friday i just decided to take a rest. Apart from doing the little chores that are joyful to do, a breather from some work, as tomorrow i am going to head back into it ;p. I do enjoy doing work but i also like to take a break when i  think i need it.

I was just thinking how, God is not done with me yet. I trust that He has good plans to prosper me, that i can be hopeful for the future.

Life ! :)

Any ideas of what i should write about for my next post? Leave a comment! If its good i just might write on it .

Little Luxuries.

my space in florence.

Everyone has their little luxuries of their daily routine or week that keeps them sane or at least balanced in some ways. What are yours? These are some of mine.

- a walk out in nature, to observe the sky, the clouds, the trees and flowers. Its beautiful just observing their color, how the sky is always a different color blue, you can tell if its happy or sad, and the glow from the sun that playfully gives a warm shade of orange and pink when it had a good day.

- a day of the week to just indulge in my favourite food. Perhaps i should do grocery shopping and have food that is just so good that it reminds me that life can be made beautiful, just like that meal i just ate.

- exercise, on a busy week at least just once a week. The body just needs it. It needs the push, it needs to stretch another mile. I do not know how people can go without exercise, my body just breakdown into goo if i do not maintain some sort of workout.

- making something, writing something beautiful with my hands. the smell, touch, play with materials and making them into something pretty!

- escaping and exploring new territories! Preferably of places that are beautiful in their own way.

- - - - - -
Coming to think of it, Cities are ugly, or places are not beautiful or pretty when people :
( sorry my thoughts bounce around sometimes )

- do not really care. do not put much thought into it. rush to get things done. just getting things done because they want to make profit. when they do not think of the big picture. when they do not care about mother nature. when they are selfish and do not care about anything or anyone around them. when they do not put their heart into it, when they do not look beyond the surface. when they do not dedicate time to research and study in depth.

This makes me realize that whatever i do, even if its the simple chores of daily life, i do need to make sure i put my heart into them too. And to put more effort into the little things.

- - - - - -

Wouldn't things be beautiful if people put more of their heart into what they are doing? mmm..

Love.

view from my kitchen while living in italy,
so simple yet so pleasingly warm and beautiful.

I love making things with my hands. I love things made by a persons hand and heart. I love handwritings, things hand drawn, hand sewn, the use of pencils, paintbrushes, ink, anything i can touch and feel and smell. The idea of tearing, the sound that comes from it, or the scratchy sound from the calligraphy pen, the shavings of pencils, changing of water every time you paint.

There is the beauty of it, and somehow i feel that whatever you do with the hands somehow links to the heart. What if i was writing this with my hands instead of typing, on paper made from trees, of ink that stains the white sheets and communicate to you , each stroke, the pressure , width, size of my handwriting perhaps revealing more about me than this times new romans could.

Somehow i believe that everyone should get into using their hands to make something. anything. Just getting back in touch with things imperfect. away from uniform, perfection and the cold hard flat surfaces of things now.

When i look at something totally digitally created, i just don't call it art. Furthermore, it doesn't give the warm feeling of passion and love. it just gives a cold feel of perfection and ease.

I remember my time living in Italy that reminds me of how beautiful it is, and things can be if we just spend more time on things, have a little bit more pride with what we make. To be passionate about things. The italians almost all of them are makers of something, having their own grape, lemon or olive farm hence making their own wine, lemoncello and olive oil. The beauty of things home made. The way the pick their colors, the way they design, how they made things of quality, they start right from the ground. Producing the best crops to have the best finishing product.

Oh the beauty that comes with the dedication of time and heart and hands.